Windows?

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

Tech Support:
- OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer:
- I don't have a 'P'.

Tech Support:
- On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:
- What do you mean?"

Tech Support:
- 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:
- I'm not going to do that!

Mouse

Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer:
- I'd like a mouse mat, please.

Salesperson:
- Certainly sir, we've got a large variety.

Customer:
- But will they be compatible with my computer?

Fax

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

Customer:
- Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?

Internet (2)

I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:

Customer:
- Hi. Is this the Internet?

Internet (3)

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."

Customer:
- So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?

Tech Support:
- Yeah

Customer:
- And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?

Tech Support:
- Uhh...uh...uh...yeah.

Icons

Tech Support:
- All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon.

Customer:
- That's why I hate this Windows, because of the icons, I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons.

Tech Support:
- Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --

Customer:
I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe icons.

Tech Support:
Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?

Customer:
- [CLICK]

Customer:
- My computer crashed!

Tech Support:
- It crashed?

Customer:
-Yeah, it won't let me play my game.

Tech Support:
- All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.

Customer:
- No, it didn't crash -- it crashed.

Tech Support:
- Huh?

Customer:
- I crashed my game. That's what I said before.
I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work.

Tech Support:
- Click on 'File,' then 'New Game'.